I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
