WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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