she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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