Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
