Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
