if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
