Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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