He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
