eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
