if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
