This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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