Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
