i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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