oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
