dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
