She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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