you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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