Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
