I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
