My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
