life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
