I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
