I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
