If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
