I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
