I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
