Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
