We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I party with great urgency now.
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