They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
