Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
