Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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