Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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