What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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