i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
