So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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