i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
