dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
