BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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