yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
