Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
