yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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