ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
