I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
