I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its liver damage thursday
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