i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize