He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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