Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize