Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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