i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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