Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
