My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
