She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
