That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
